My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
