what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
