i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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