I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
