I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
