how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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