SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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