We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
