Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
