She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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