people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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