I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
