You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
