my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
