we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
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do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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