My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
