Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
