You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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