Do you still have your period?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Randomize
