how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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