I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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