I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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