I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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