I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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