My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
