woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
