Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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