when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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