I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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