I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize