I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
