Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
