if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
