You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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