Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
