I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
