I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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