You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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