you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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