dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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