i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
