you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
