I feel like I'm in dance class right now
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
