my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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