Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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