there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
