can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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