Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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