So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
