ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
