Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
