Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
