when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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