I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
