I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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