I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He shit in the fireplace
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
