Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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