Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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