If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
