I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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