I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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