70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
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Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
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We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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