Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
