Small penises have feelings too.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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