my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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