this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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