then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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