dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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