don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
