She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
