i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
