I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't deserve a penis
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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