$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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