I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
