this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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