I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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